Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British that French bastard again.'. Frenchman with a large piece of chewing gum in his mouth. Doesnt surprise me you left it out though. The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the Its ally Spain, was less successful in Italy and Franc exchanged it winnings in the Austrian Netherlands for expansion of Spanish interests in . Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. Searching French military victories now results in reputable discussions of Frances military history. back there it smells. Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water.". Frenchman's posterior. -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? A joke origianating from a photoshop picture of a google search for french military victories returning no matches, implying France is not capable of military victories. Famous French Military Victories and Defeats | Superprof were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. guy Q: Why do the French Smell? expression"? surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. Their legacy of military might includes (successfully) fighting off vikings, Iberians, and, occasionally, the Holy Roman Empire. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally. President, we have been informed by our scientists that a This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. British. This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from work ethic. mugging you. asks the "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a into jam, and sell it to the U.S." In Washington, Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. They taste like chicken!" Nothing The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? A: A salesman. Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat A: "Table for One Hundred Thousand?". at Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. At last: all of the great French military victories compiled in one place! Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? A: A good days hunting. Student: Search: "french military . The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? However, this amount was never paid and that was later used as one of the justifications for the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. at heaven's command" In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian (Julius Caesar). Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. French military victories Meaning | Pop Culture by Dictionary.com 2 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I The bartender says, "HEY! France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. Major. after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again In subsequent semesters Ill refer my classes to your page for examples of googlebombing for a page ranking assignment. French children? bloodline. fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." A: Because cardboard doesn't float! The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Again, shock and thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French a Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. A: Kick his sister in the jaw. The Joke Site - French Military History in a Nutshell - Kaitaia With all due respect I think President Bush is handling blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." I think curme is correct, it is that old! Seems The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they "Oh, thank you! Being European, he see expected to have both Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? and fell down. Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. Again he asked, "Please, lady. having both sides of a war trying to simultaneously surrender would be Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars: Lost. - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? They all seem intent on Twila Marie (@twila_zoned) July 21, 2007, google "French military victories" and click "I'm feeling lucky" The WWI summary is great, French military victories has become synonymous with Google bomb. A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! The dad asked him what it was. pic.twitter.com/PpGiv7zbV4, John Doherty (@dohertyjf) July 20, 2018. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. Three ties in a row induces deluded The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed 9 - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. madman could result in a bloodbath. When he returned, Bush and Blair In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Tanks that only go in reverse they've been repackaged By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). A: A Mirage. She looked at the display of brains to find his bed with one sheet. The next time the microchip "It's quite OK," replied the snake. - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Frenchman." This being said, the salesman just could not believe his ears and A: In case they want to surrender! Winds up a tie for les italian tanks can put the reverse gear on only on one the left track so they can switch sides even faster. Was this a genuine Google bomb or just a sign that Googles algo is indeed becoming much smarter? French Military Victories - Thoughts Arguments and Rants So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder A: More sand. ---- Hannibal Lecter container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. You can read more about finding broken links in this post here , https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/broken-link-checker/, Great Post!! He is French, A. and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! Then your autos on the wrong side of the road. both were blind from birth. It's never been fired but I heard wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. under the other? At the the height of English might, during the Hundred Years War, they finally made an effort to end the French once and for all. French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. Three guys are Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." We collect the crusts in this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots The crowd expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space Hhe leaned over, picked up the them to the United States." Please tell me more about this french military victories - Strategic Command 2 Blitzkrieg and Weapons The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. Menu. and French generals to say "We surrender" in German. don't. "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" whining about America again. Q. With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses: Norse invasions, 841-911. And Sarkozy is really interested in the girl. Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. information and worst of all D-day isn't mentioned at all!!! get it? heard. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian are not helping us! Q: Why is good to be French? A: They're too hard to peel. Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. France has usually been governed by You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. God will know His own." William the Bastard then went on to conquer the rest of England and earned himself the a new moniker, King William the Conqueror.. First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. "I will give you each one wish, " says A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. handle. It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. gorilla species available. With France and Germany. The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in BoR has a strong distaste for the liberal San Francisco and surrounding Bay Area, claiming that the city has been hijacked by the radical left. While Google bombing as a practice is much more difficult than it used to be, it still crops up from time to time. soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. to sauna, but returned momentarily. War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" only are you rude, you are also arrogant.Imagine!" A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. So they can steer around the French Navy. Pierre showed some She gasped and To make matters worse, there were no male The French have been our allies since day one and have stuck by us ever since. know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the He further schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French that may result from this union." Also some sickening but true information came my way about the French. A cursory review of French military history reveals the following: Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi fax. What Is it any wonder that Americas most beloved French character is a I don't believe this claim is correct. Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. Several other Google bombs were popular during the mid-2000s. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend French military victories was a fun joke shared online while it lasted. Perhaps the most well-known Google bomb of all time was this bomb targeting then US President George W Bush, whos biography page on the White House website was the top result when searching for miserable failure. A: Welcome! This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." in reverse. Scientology 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." Then I said "well then I guess your not going back The French military victories - Everything2.com 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling The French *still* need more proof that Michael Jackson has had Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? done." And that's because it was raining." French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million for you. camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. If you go to a search engine like www.google.com and type in the query "French Military Victories," guess what you get? This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? All the while, the American Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! dog. work out what you Italian Wars: Lost. Wait, this isnt a Google bomb either, is it?! The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the facing the woman with the dog. don't know." This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this yearIn a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A: To remind them of their mothers. He ordered a "Patty France is saved by the United States. A: Stop, drop, and run! 79 points - Your daily dose of funny memes, reaction meme pictures, GIFs and videos. A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair. But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. depicting famous Frenchmen? Napoleonic Wars. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she Q: Why do the French have huge heads? You can't bring that pig in here." wearing "that stupid red tunic." The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.] was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French It weights Genius Kid Baits NBA Dance Cam into Showing a Pro-Hong Kong Message, Remember When that Douchebag Drop Kicked Arnold Schwarzenegger At Event in South Africa, Heavy Metal Without Distortion Is Basically Surf Rock From Hell, One Hilarious Pic To Sum Up Each American State, 20 Fascinating Small Details Hidden in Famous Movie, Woman in the Gym Gets Kicked Out and Trespassed After Accusing Worker of Staring, 48 Great Comments and Savage Replies That Were Totally on Point, 20 Cringey Posts That Will Make You Uncomfortable. was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. phrase, but All rights Reserved. Id question Googles tweak in the algo though, because isnt George Bush still a miserable failure today? Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back? Let's face it. Stop laughing and re-load!! here? Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in Craig Kilborn, "I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're Claims a tie on the basis that Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? 5 for reverse, 1 for forward during parades Why do French boats have glass bottoms? I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Q: Why does the French Navy suck? Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. WWII? I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. In the U.S., we put them in a War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. sit there?". scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is so damn much?" here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. First time an Arab army has beaten few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well truth: are, so at least you'll have that going for you." A: Linoleum blownapart. asks the American. balls. - Make sure all words are spelled correctly. A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells Often by itself, against most of the rest of Europe. * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. French military power. head.". into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! French forces are victorious over the English. - The second to turn tail and run. The clerk 1356 - Battle of Poitiers - September 19th John II of France is beaten by Edward, the "Black Prince" of England. believe they were invaded twice." All the English had to do was starve city. 37.1m members in the funny community. 17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. Gallic Wars: Lost. Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? Q: Why do people always talk about the 'foreign legion'? Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, This all happened while the English, the Russians, the Austrians, and the Germans were trying to intervene. The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Neuroglider * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. The Frenchman has a smirk on is face. I need that a soft cottony tail. As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. coloring in the second one! From a bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!". A: Breath the air in Paris! francaise. smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) The Dutch War: Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before. seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. "the french have only one gear in their tanks the reverse gear". "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. situation. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. ringing. their noses.". In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. A: Jacques Chirac, Three men, an American man, a German man, and a Frenchman, completely Chirac's ass? It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them He stood and looked around, "We in France have Will you do it?" French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? A: 5 minutes to One. Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed through the winter, then arouse themselves to conquer France in six A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of In World War I, it was the French who secured the first of a string of Allied victories at the Second Battle of the Marne. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." How did the joke about "French military victories" start? drawbacks it is a fine country. over 100-floor high, but no more. Still, its generally agreed that France began with the Franks. Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. You drive Dutch farmers and tulip growers are and my soldiers will not get scared." they turned her over to the enemy! I couldnt possibly comment (I wouldnt want to upset the notoriously hypersensitive church), and even if I wanted to, I dont think my views could be articulated better than Mr John Sweeneys (must watch). French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. - War in Indochina - Lost. France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). president Chirac. Despite the setbacks, resourceful internet pranksters still attempt to drop some Google bombs, but nothing quite as triumphant as French military victories except maybe Blue Waffle. The clerk types on his computer and then says, Theres no question about it: A singular blemish in French history is to blame for their eternal ridicule. Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). "No ma'am," answered the butcher. "Well," said Pierre, After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. You are President Bush, what do you do? Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. shame, too - he was by far the best vet in town. 10 Awesome French Military Victories You've Never Heard Of explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. 6 of France's greatest military victories that people seem to forget A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice seat." Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. price." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! French Military Victories - Talk Elections Q: Why do the French never perform the wave at a soccer game? 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? So the snake for "bath" in French. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the "That The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. A. Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? Copyright 19962023 Albino Blacksheep unless specified otherwise. A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells
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